Shanghai Misadventure

Being an account of all the stupid things a tourist does when first engaging a foreign culture, or all the things opportunistic natives do to stupid tourists fresh off the airplane

Part One

During my year long tenure in The People’s Republic of China I can honestly say I have never felt safer. There is an undeniable air of courtesy and dare I say it, a hint of subservience that clearly stems from centuries of Imperial worship and class culture, a trait that was only compounded by harsh conditions under Japanese rule and the strict discipline from communist philosophy that brought about their ”freedom”. Everyone wants to be your friend and they pursue this with an almost inhuman fervour. In a country where westerners are still for the large part a novelty this is understandable, especially in an out of the way city such as Xuzhou where the phrases “Old Outsider” and “White Devil” are still frequently used to describe foreigners. So, while this desire to be friendly and helpful could sometimes be overwhelming, perhaps a little oppressive, I never considered it threatening.

There was one incident however that occurred on the night I arrived in the country. After travelling almost thirty hours from Glasgow to Shanghai International airport, a flight time extended due to engine failure, delay and a minor case of indecent exposure in an Islamic country, I had finally arrived twelve hours late. It was around 10 pm and I had still to find my way from the airport to the train station, the correct train station as there are two main stations to choose from. I had to purchase my ticket to Xuzhou, a city four hundred miles away, and then arrive at my place of employment, whose address I did not know, all without the slightest knowledge of the Chinese language. I was nervous but confident.

I may pause for a second. I have a feeling I should explain the comment about indecent exposure. I swear it was not my fault!

The flight from Glasgow to Dubai was as smooth as can be. We took off on time and arrived on time and I was extremely excited. I had been to Philadelphia twice previously to work at summer camp, but this represented something more, a grand adventure in a country of extreme mystery. Upon arrival at Dubai I quickly found my way to the appropriate departure gate and prepared to board the Shanghai flight. This was it, the real beginning of my adventure. Next stop China! I was also feeling pretty good about myself.

Finally it was my turn to approach the security gate where a rather large and mean looking guard was waiting to search me as he had done the passengers in front of me. This process seemed to take a long time as each passenger not only had to give up their bags, watches and wallets but also their shoes…….. And their belts. Now those people reading this who know me well will know that I have a fondness for wearing baggy denims. The sort of denims that require a belt to keep them up……… you can see where this is going! I surrendered my bag, my watch, my wallet, my shoes and then he asked for my belt. Of course I obliged holding my denims firmly in place. Then he asked me to stretch out my arms. I did this one arm at a time which the large and mean looking guard was not happy with. He asked me again and again to stretch out my arms as I tried in vain to explain the forces of gravity. In the end, however, I was defeated. I took a deep breath, stretched out my arms, and showed my pants to the world.

This should have been the end of that particular incident but the fates were conspiring to prolong my humiliation. About four hours flight time out of Dubai, just as we were approaching the Himalayas, the Captain announced that our plane was experiencing technical difficulties. One of the engines was at risk of failing and rather than attempt a turbulent mountain crossing, we would return to Dubai and board another flight. We sullenly returned to Dubai and were treated to a complimentary breakfast and after a tedious wait our flight was once more ready to go. I approached the gate and sure enough, that large and mean looking guard was once again waiting for me……. And my belt.

I approached the gate desperately trying to think of a plan to protect my dignity, all the while listening to a rather loud Frenchman complain about the delay. I went for broke, took off my belt, and in my best high school French asked “Je m’appelle hold up mon pantaloons, sil vous plait?” Dignity saved!

Xu Zhou and what I did there......

As some of you lovely people may be aware, I spent a year of my life living and working in a little place called Xu Zhou in the Jiangsu province of eastern China. During this time I was teaching Contemporary dance and English as a foreign language. A bizarre combination I know but to be honest the job was just that, a job. The real reason for my relocation was to begin in some small way to see a little more of the world. During this year I learned to speak and understand the Chinese language, although I am still unable to read or write. There was something quite liberating about being completely illiterate for an entire year! I also met some of the most interesting, kind, caring, funny and adventurous people I've ever had the pleasure of spending time with. I'm glad to say that a good few of these new acquaintances became close and lasting friends. The kinds that remind me of my close and lasting friends I've been with my whole life in Scotland

The greatest of these friends I have to say quickly became more than a friend. There is a tradition inChinawhen two people become close friends, they can adopt each other as brothers or sisters. This is an honour given to me by my brother Yan Yan (yen yen). The adoption isn't limited to those involved; it extends to the entire family also. The adoption is not an official legal process, it is merely an acknowledgement of a commitment to someone you consider closer than friends. Yan Yan and I travelled to his hometown of Lianyungang on on the east coast to stay with his parents where I was instantly welcomed as their son and elder brother or "Gu Gu" to Yan Yan. I soon found however, being their son meant I was eligible for a smack on the head when I came home drunk. There was also an expectation from Yan Yan's mother that I would look after my younger brother when we both returned to Xu Zhou. This was a responsibility I took very seriously.

When I think back I am always amazed at the possibility of not travelling to China, therefore never meeting Yan Yan and those others with whom I spent many hilarious, sad and brilliant times. It seems a little mind boggling to realise there must be people all over the world with whom you could be the greatest of friends, if only you could meet them.

Xu Zhou is in the North West corner of Jiangsu province, the capital of the province Nanjing was once the capital city of Imperial China, and is a small out of the way city by Chinese standards though I was astounded by it's sheer size and mass of population, 2 million inhabitants in the city alone which is nothing in comparison to the surrounding counties Xu Zhou encompasses. Ten million people live in Xuzhou jurisdiction and it's geographical landmass is almost incomprehensible to my small Scottish eyes. I'll try to put it into perspective. I was asked to teach a class in one of the outlying counties of Feng Xian. Now, considering it takes around forty five minutes to drive from Glasgow to Edinburgh, at opposite sides of the country, it took approximately three hours to drive from my home in Tung Shan, in the south side of the city, to Feng Xian, one of the eastern counties. Needless to say there are still parts of the city I have yet to see.

Before embarking on my year long adventure I read a small and rather disappointing paragraph on the city in The Rough Guide toChina. This article claimed that there was enough to do in Xu Zhou to last one afternoon. I lived there for one year and still had not experienced everything the city had to offer. With a history of around 2,600 years Xuzhou is integral to the history of China due to it's location along major trade routes and it's proximity to the sea. It also lies on a major crossroads with the sea to the east, Shanghai to the south and Beijing to the north. To the west lies Xi'an and eventually the western province of Xin Jiang. Because of it's strategic location the area has been the site of over 200 battles, the participants of each of these battles ranged from 10,000 to one million. Miraculously the city has survived relatively unscathed and is teeming with sites of historical importance, both military and culturaly. Xuzhou is also the hometown of Liu Bang, first Emperor of the Han Dynasty. I often wonder if the Rough Guide or the Lonely Planet or whatever travel publication people seem to rely on had ever actually been there. Perhaps I'll write about the many inconsistencies contained in these pompous and misinformed guides, but not right now.

One of my favourite places in Xu Zhou, and in fact the world, is Yun Long Hu or Cloud Dragon Lake. Yun Long Hu was at the south end of the city itself. A massive man made lake, or should I say people made (the communist state of China ensures that both men and women have equality in jobs including construction), Surrounded on the north side by the city, on the east side by Yun Long Shan or Cloud Dragon Mountain and on the south and west by small workers villages set against a backdrop of yet more mountains. In the winter the lake is desolate cold and uninviting yet still a starkly beautiful and mysterious place. Often in winter the temperature will plummet to around minus twelve degrees with deep snow and ice making the lake a dangerous place. Falling in to the icy water would not be a pleasant experience and perhaps this is why the inhabitants of Xu Zhou prefer to stay well clear. In summer, however the lake is transformed into a bustling community with street markets, a funfair, restaurants, sunbathers and swimmers. I must have spent ninety five percent of my time from April to November, swimming and sunbathing or climbing up Yun Long Shan to the temple view point overlooking the lake. There is a little shop at the top of the mountain where you can buy cold pi jiu or beer, which is a rare commodity in China, the beer is usually warm. There is nothing better than swimming in the lake, climbing the mountain, drinking cold beer then trying to navigate your way down the many steep stone steps slightly under the influence. Happy days although I never will understand why beer was never stored in refrigerators, especially in forty degree summer heat! Alas there will always be many aspects of China that I will never understand.

Perhaps this is the reason I will always return.

the photograph was taken outside my school, Shi Fan Xue Xiao ( Xuzhou Normal School) by my brother Jimi Rae.